Kid Talk with Cam + Conley

You guys, on the daily, I hear so many things coming from my children that could entertain you (& myself for that matter) for years to come, & I cringe when I think that I've missed one & haven't written them all down.  I usually quickly type it into my phone notes, because there is no other way to keep it safe.  If there was one thing I was most excited about when thinking of being a mom, is hearing all the funny things my kids might say.  Well, these two homeboys do not disappoint!

LIFE ACCORDING TO CONLEY, AGE 2

Conley's three conversation starter/questions, that he likes to ask over and over every day:

1. Mommy, do people fall in the water?

2.  Mommy, do people shoot people in the face?
No, Conley.  We never shoot people.  Ever.  

Mommy, do girls shoot people in the face?

No, they are ladies.  And remember, people never shoot people.

Mommy, do ladies shoot people in the face?

No.  No, Conley they do not. 

I swear we try to teach him the right & respectful ways to act.

*Please understand, I am in no way trying to make this humorous, but this is au natural boy to the bone, Conley Scout talk.  Cam has little nerf guns that he is obsessed with &  our rule is to never shoot each other or "people."  But he always is one that has to negotiate-especially when he knows it is something he shouldn't do.  He has also heard words like "stupid," "hate," and "poop" from kid oriented movies like The Little Drummer Boy & Charlie Brown and says them 34,323 times a day.  And his little tush gets in time out 34,323 times a day.  

Jesus, take the wheel.

OH, but you just wait.

If we are watching a movie or show, he is the first to comment,

"Mom!  Dey say ugwy words!  Dey need in timeout."
(He puts all of his toys in time out)

3.  Wanna talk about motorcycles?  They jump in the bean bags.

Crickets.  Everytime.

---
Conley has a fascination with the word future.  On a typical day, he says the following:
"In my future..."
"This is MY future..."
"No, I'm not in my future!"
"Let's go into the future!"
and my personal favorite:
"Youre never gonna get my future!"
---

Grabs my watch.  "Oh, it's ten E clock...I love you."

When we leave the house:
"Bye, house!  Have a good day!"

Here's a new one, he's obsessed with ladybugs.

Conley:  Mommy, look!  Itsssss my ladybug, Nitro!

(Every ladybug he sees he claims it, names it Nitro, and kills it soon after-I think I shared this in my last post).

The conversation goes a little something like this:

I wub my wady bug, Mom.

He wubs me.  He's my wadybug.  Hes so cute!
Are wadybugs smart?

Oh no!  I snapped it.

Me: You killed it?

Conley: Ya, it has to go lib (live) in da hospital now.

---
"That dangerous, mom?"
99.9% of the time...yes, yes it is.
---
Grabs a windex bottle...(terror on my face)
"Dis is a hundred dollars for the sprinkles.
Four hundred dollars for me."

---

Conley: Mommy, I want to go to my house.  It's at your house.

When Conley wants my water bottle (which, naturally, he pitches a fit if I make him drink water any other time):

Conley: Mommy, I'm sick.  I'm sick for your water.

Apparently, he thinks if he's sick, he can have my water....

When Con see's anything he wants or likes:

Conley: Dat's cool for me, Mom.

He also notoriously argues to eat gummies for every meal.

Kicking, screaming, and hitting.

It's great fun.

I often question why I still think I would like a baby #3 after Conley Scout made his grand appearance into our lives.

Hands full, Heart full.

---

LIFE ACCORDING TO CAM, 4.75ish years

Driving down the road

Cam: Mom, I hope I die soon, I want to go to heaven.

(a couple weeks ago he was crying not wanting to die.)
* Note: I don't bring these deep conversations up at their age, but Cam DOES.

Me: Speechless & heartbroken

Cam, I don't want you to (I can't even type the word, guys), I want you here with me.  I would be so sad, and Conley too.  That happens only when God is ready for us to live in heaven.

Cam: Well, you & Conley can just die with me!

(pauses for a second)

In heaven do we have to sleep or take naps?

Me: I don't know, I don't think so, I don't think our bodies will have to rest like we do down here.

Cam:  YES!!!!  No naps!  I don't EVER have to sleep!

I want to DIE right now, mom!  I won't have to go to school anymore, either!

(Talk about the most confusing MORBID conversation E V E R.)

But, I guess we as Christians, should have as much excitement as he does about heaven-

without....going around saying we want to die right now...

---

Cam at school...

Cam has found out how to get out of school after his recent stint with illness.

After clearly proving he was feeling better after a week of absence, he resorted to hiding under the covers crying,

"I'm sick, mom!  I really am!  I can't go to school today!"

And so it begins...& he's not even in Kindergarten yet.

---

Cam is quite the tattle tale.

In fact, at the playground one day he ran up to tell on another little boy (so awkward when their parents are standing right there, right??)

Cam:  He was being mean to me.  Mom, he said ugly words.
He hasn't learned from God anymore.

He need to learn about God before he says that to his parents.

(I'm confused about that one too...)

---

Cam in reference to his love life:

Mom, let me tell you a secret.

When I get married, you're not invited to the wedding.

Me: Why not??

Cam: Because it would make me jealous to see you clapping your hands.

Alrighty then.

---
SCARES CONLEY...
Conley looks a little scared.
Cam: "Conley, I'm not a monster, I'm only a boy."
---

In reference to Conley:
Guys, WHY did we decide to raise him????

Why can't you just be a normal baby??

Why do me & Conley have to be such jerks?  

Why do you have to treat us like jerks?

Me: (As I inhale & start to say something...)

Cam: Let's just enjoy the ride, Mom.

---

Me: Look guys!  The sun is going down, isn't it pretty?

(I know, nerd mom status)
Cam: (out of nowhere) Mom, everything is NOT hotter when the sun goes down.  That's the weirdest song...

---
Cam at weddings...
Grooms dad :  Alright, we're going to open up the floor for anybody who'd like to say something about the happy couple.
Cam:  What???  Open up the floor?  How are they going to do that???  
That is so weird!
---

Naptime struggles:

Cam:  (in tears) I can't stand it.  I want to be good, but my belly tells me to be bad and jump up and run around and scream.  But I don't want to!  I want to be good.

*He has said this about school too...#thestruggleisreal

He tosses and turns, apparently fighting his evil belly, and will finally settle down for a nap.

---

And last but not least...

Late night questions, to avoid going to sleep, by Cam:

"Can lady bugs breathe in the house?"

"If horses eat chocolate, will they die?"

"Where does the ocean go to?"

"Can you get a car before you are married?"

I hope I've provided a few laughs for your Tuesday!
Been logging & saving these gems for a rainy (or COLD) day...

Please share your own funnies!  I need some beginning of the week laughs myself!