2020 Me, It's Not Who I Want to Be

 It's okay to feel sad.

If we purpose in our hearts to do anything right now, it should be to be kind to one another.  We never know the battle another is facing.  We all could use the shove to get out of our personal bubbles & better understand what the majority of people are facing.  Unemployment.  Businesses shutting down.  Loss of a family member.  Never being able to leave home due to more shut downs.  Feeling a sense of dishonesty or as though our media is so in control of our beliefs & what we know (no matter what you believe!).  I don't want to get political AT all.  So I'm going to immediately stop there.   Adulting (no to mention being a kid, right?) in this year is HARD. And I want to admit I'm the first one to be selfish & only think of myself.  I've been praying & continue to pray that God would open my eyes.

I'm the type of person who my emotions are usually all over me OR I try to hide how I'm feeling.  I really don't know how to feel in November of 2020.  I know at this point of celebrating the holiday of Thanksgiving, I DO feel thankful.  Things can always be worse.  I can't help but look out at the country and feel a wave of sadness.  I look at my kids wearing masks out in public & feel heartbreak that this is the new normal. I feel devastation that it seems the drugs that my brother became addicted to & that led to his ultimate death are now being made less penalizing in some parts of our country.  I feel heartbreak that because my son went to football practice, he has basically been out of school for virtual learning for 3 weeks d/t direct contact with someone who tested positive for COVID (not that I don't think he should have to, just that it is what it is...).  I feel hopeless & helplessness to look out and see how people treat each other over differing opinions and beliefs & how they feel the need to lash out over EVERYTHING. 

But then I look at the little twinkle in my kids eyes, and I'm reminded everything will be & is okay. 

Somebody we know VERY well has the WHOLE WORLD in his hands.

I don't want to get all "basic" with referencing Joanna Gaines, but I like that lady.  She seems to be something special.  And while I'm surprised our society celebrates someone like her at this point (she goes to church), she always has a way of deeply tapping in to the best emotions through her social media posts and magazine articles.   Just this month, she put up a picture of herself as a little girl & said something along the lines of -if I ever feel lost, I look back to that little girl and find the purest form of who I am.

All to say, the world needs you to be who you are.

I thought about this...

Most people will tell you that you "find yourself" as you age.  While I see that perspective, I also think, in my personal experience that I've lost more of myself as I've aged.  I get so lost in achieving what I think "success" in a worldly standard is-that I forget what I'm really here for.  The simple things.  That robs us of a lot of joy.  I know I'm WAY more focused on superficial things because of the world we live in.

As a child, we are untainted by the worlds views & expectations.  Made only of God's creativity & I imagine fueled and fired to go with his purpose for our lives.  We know no other way to "be" than to be ourselves.  At the age of 7 and 5 (and let's even go so far as 1) my kids are still at those precious ages.  I have began to see Cam's friends rubbing off on him & he is starting to form a new sense of self based upon their thoughts and opinions & what they think is "cool."  He's been teased a couple times over this or that (as all kids are)- I remember those days, do you? And it is shaping what he thinks about all the things.  It makes me sad, but my prayer is that one day he can look back at 5 year old Cam and remember what a cool, unique, & amazing person God created him to be.  May we all be able to rummage through our parents things or our old scrapbooks & find an old picture (most that I've found aren't the best quality but they do the job!) to remember ourselves in our purest forms.

What mattered back then?  How did you see people back then?  Treat them?  How did you view God (if you knew of Him?). What respect did you have for older people?  What brought you joy?  What did you worry about? 

I think of my Conley.  PURE CONLEY.  And doesn't care.  Unashamed.  Other people are wild if they don't believe or think the way he does-but he listens interestingly to their thoughts and bops along unbothered by a difference.  Not to say that we should think anyone's weird, I hope you get what I am trying to say.  He doesn't care what other people think about him, he is proud of who HE IS.  He has no other knowledge or experiences to tell him otherwise at that point. He sees the world in black and white-it is what it is and he sees the best of the situations. The world needs more of our 5 year old selves minus the temper tantrums🙃.  More purest forms of who God made us to be before we let society get in & try to control & make us into what they want us to be.  

Remember who you are!  Remember who God created you to be and get back to living out that 5 year old self with God's person!

Go find a child & hang out with them for a minute or two for a new perspective and sense of self.  

It will do some good❤️

Much love,

Here Comes The Month of Thanks🍁

 Happy November, friends.

I don't know about you, but after all the craziness the election has brought, I have a feeling this year could end even more crazy than it began.  That being said, despite all that's going on in the world today, I can't help but look to God in thanks for all He has done.  He has given our country mercy & grace (and me personally) for countless years.  So incredibly blessed!  I've missed out on writing about a lot of important things lately, so thought I'd catch up a bit today-they emphasize even more the reasons I should count my blessings.

1. Conley's Fifth Birthday

It was the sweetest day, the cutest mini party, for the most adorable little boy (if I do say so myself).  Con, my middle, whom has always gotten the label of being the wild child 🤪, has grown SO much in the past year.  I CANNOT believe he is five.  I can't stress enough to a new mama or daddy at how FAST their little lives fly by.  Don't miss a moment.  It always leaves me teary to think about it.  But, I absolutely adore seeing them grow.  Conley's teacher continuously brags about his big heart.  There is not a touchdown or trophy this boy could bring home, that would thrill my heart more than to hear something like that.  I'm so proud of him!  I'm not going to lie, I've been concerned about his school life from the time he learned to talk🤣

Also, before his party, Con had a football game...& they won!  What a good excuse for a First Watch breakfast!  It was a great morning❤️

Funny story about his birthday: mom, my voice hasn't changed yet.  (*for DAYS he had asked if he would "talk like daddy" one day, & I've said, "I don't know...Maybe!" not knowing that this is something he assumed would happen on his 5th birthday😂).  ONLY CONLEY!

2. Baker, 11 & 12 months

somewhere along the way I forgot to finish her milestone posts.  I put it in her baby book...but not here!  So here goes...

whats new...(or not so new!)

LOVES

Tepper & Eloise.  Her baby dolls.  Opening everything <she can screw and unscrew lids>, going outside-especially to swing and take the dogs for a potty break, going for rides <most of the time...>, riding in shopping carts <she has started kicking her legs when she see's one>  Don't let this fool you though, she gets bored after a few minutes😬.  Talking.  Baths.  Toliet Paper. Toliets😝 Playing in the trash (she drops her baby dolls <and many other things in> & says "Uh oh!"😖. Playing in the dog dishes.  Taking the batteries out of everything (especially remotes).

HATES

When someone tries to hold her hand or stop her from going up or down stairs <or anything dangerous for that matter>, strollers-unless it's her baby strollers-then she has started kicking them out so we will push her in them, not been much a fan of eating these past two months.  Doctors offices.  Diaper changes.  Well, she basically dislikes anything where it appears she is not in charge.  

play & cognitive development

Walks & runs everywhere!

Can feed herself with spoon/fork.

Squats, stands, & carries big things around.

Always a baby doll in her arm!

Loves on the dogs at all times.  

Giggle box

new words I can remember right now in this moment #strugglebus: uh oh, thank you

eat

She hasn't been eating much table food lately-she loves to feed the dogs.  We started doing the pouches again at MDO because she wasn't eating anything I packed.  Her doctor said it was fine (obviously she's not wasting away😂).  I can't remember the boys going through spells like this!

sleep

Usually 1-2 naps a day.

Sleeps through the night, most nights. 

sibling love

She loves her brothers, but she is not a fan of the rough housing.  They've started a new game called "Bakie Cena" (they are obsessed with "John Cena" for whatever reason), & Conley pretend fights with her while Cam "helps her."  Don't worry.  They are monitored & it ends quickly😂. I will say, if they aren't paying attention to her she is NOT happy.

3.  Spiritual Gift Talk

  Lately, I've really been praying and thinking about my spiritual gifts.  I feel like I'm not doing anything for God right now & it eats at me.  I found this spiritual gifts quiz & found it a little helpful at giving some perspective about the things I'm good at that can be used for Him-here is the link if you too are interested.

I scored the highest with "exhortation."  Basically, encouraging others.  I can see that as being a passion of mine & I think it's something I do, but I also see how Satan stops me from doing it.  

When tragic things happen, I am scared to talk to the people going through those situations.  SCARED.  I never know what to say or what to do, so sometimes I don't say anything or if I do, I make a mess of words.  After losing my brother, I came to find that just knowing someone is acknowledging they know you are going through a hard time, they love you and are praying for you, DOES WONDERS.  I always thought it might make things worse to say something like that, like it was just what everyone said-and it wouldn't make that person feel better.  BUT IT DOES.  

When someone treated it like it didn't happen, it hurt.  It hurt really bad.  Pray for me to be brave so that I can use this spiritual gift in good days and in the bad.  I don't want to be afraid to encourage another person when they really need it.  I could do better on writing encouraging things here, too!  That is my prayer.

Also, just volunteering more.  I"m challenging myself (and you too) to look at your church bulletin or a volunteer organization in your community & getting involved in something new.  I know it's hard with COVID & all right now, but we've got to keep moving forward.  In a world that is rejecting Jesus more & more-we have GOT to be untied & be the body of Christ at work.

4.  Fall Apologies

  I didn't even share any fall decorations or share the results of my survey, & for that, I'm sorry!  Not that it was picture-worthy, I just said I 'd do it👻  I've just not been with it this year.  I guess 2020, three kids, & trying to keep it all together has run it's toll on me!  I will try to do better.

5.  Halloween 2020

BEFORE HALLOWEEN:

Conley's pajama party/Halloween party at MDO🎃. I did a terrible job of pictures of Cam & Baker.  These were pictures his teacher sent <these mornings when I get them all three ready AND am at work by 8 AM are C R A Z Y!  And I barely survive lol>

I do have this from a video I took while she was eating breakfast...

I had to take a picture of how cute Baker's bag was!  She has the sweetest (& most creative) teachers💕. I'm WAY better at evening pictures😂

Halloween Eve Eve-carve our half rotten pumpkins😆. 

Baker, mad because we won't let her jump off the porch.  She's gonna be a fun one in the upcoming years!

Oh, it was a perfect Halloween day!  We were the Griswolds this year (something I always knew we'd be because AUNT BETHANY).  We let the boys change into what they "wanted" to be, <I hear it from Cam every year how he didn't want to dress up with us anymore💔-he did agree to take a picture & play dress up for a minute as Clark>

The boys had a neighbor friend tag along, & for the first year ever, they were confident enough to walk up & "Trick or Treat!" by themselves.  Baker on the other hand wanted NO part in wearing her cat head.  She swarped at it like she does her hair bows.  She didn't want anyone to hold her hand, did NOT want to leave a Halloween display in someones yard, & wanted to run on the pavement everywhere we went until she piled it up.  Never shedding a tear, getting back up & going again.  We finally had to strap her in her stroller because the boys were determined to go down every street. 😂. Now, if that Halloween candy doesn't magically disappear...

Wishing you all a very happy weekend!

Farewell, October🎃

 October is SO beautiful isn't it?  

Not only were some of my favorite people born during this month, but it always seems that it is the quickest season.  Maybe that's why I love it the most.  I never find myself growing tired of it's beauty.  As we were driving down the road this month, I recall Con & I discussing how we hope it is always the season of "fall" in heaven.  🍁. Our October days have been full of football, work, & birthday parties.  I want to scream SLOW DOWN to it all, but I haven't found a time where that seems to work. 🙃

I need to be posting about Conley's birthday, and I will, but today- I just want to write about nonsense.

I'm just going to be honest.  This time in my life may be one of the lower self confidence times.  Ever found yourself in those seasons?  Lately, it seems I've found myself feeling old, washed up, & falling short with a lot of things.  Cade has made several comments about my demeanor lately, so it isn't something that I'm keeping in very well, it's radiating outwardly as well.  Maybe it's 2020.  Maybe it's the heat in October.  Or maybe it's just Cassidy.

Regardless, I'm a-what they call "hot mess," if you will...

Nonetheless, I'm not the type of person that gives up or settles with this feeling.  I may drag my feet during the downer times & a lot of times get caught in the sadness if I allow myself.  But, I'm always determined to get up & keep trying.  God gives us one life, & I know He means for us to live it.

And that's what I'm going to do.

I read this beautiful post today.  And at a time like this when I feel this way-it really just lifted me up.

I'd like to share with you, too❤️

Other things that fill my life with sunny stuff...

one.  the things baker loves...

tepp tepp, baby dolls, sticking her tongue out, + fuzzy slippers in that order.  

would you believe the baby that won't wear shoes, won't offer to take these babies off?😂

two. my skeleton mama sweatshirt + pumpkins everywhere

amazon gold is what this is!  I swear I wear it everyday.

three.  mr. bones always brings cheer to my heart 

especially with his "basic look" this year

four. the fact that my FIVE year old Conley still needs his mama.

God knew I needed this boy! 

five. watching these boys play 🏈

i have to be the first to admit i'm ready for a break (chasing Bae around everywhere & keeping her from swiping all the gatorade bottles during this pandemic is BRUTAL), but i have loved seeing Cam grow to love it.  it started out rough for the tender guy-but, he has learned so much physically and mentally- and Con, well, he has made TONS of friends😆. I love to see their relationship with Cade grow through this too.  So so special.

six.  with football season, comes the beloved Thursday Grocery Eve= CHICK-FIL-A nights.

I live for them.  No dirty dishes or cooking for me.  And.  Chick fil a - In the Kanye West voice.

Yes, I'm going to end this sappy soggy post with this beautiful foodie footage.  ❤️

Wishing you all a Happy Friday Eve! (And Halloween Eve Eve😉)

ONE SWEET PEACH || A First Birthday Party

I'm going to probably do two posts on this topic.  

One for the decorations, the other for the sweet memories! 

If there is anything I've learned over the years when it comes to kid birthday parties, it's that you plan easy and do all the work ahead so you can soak in the actual day of it.  And that you don't have to buy the first thing you see that matches your Pinterest board.  You can shop around & find "dupes" along the way.  My husband always makes fun of me for using that word-but, that is one of my FAVORITE words in a woman's world😂

After years and years of planning boy birthday parties, (SO so fun-yet, oh the adorable GIRL themes I always passed by) Needless to say, I was SO excited to plan a birthday party for my little GIRL!  I seriously began pinning first birthday ideas before she was born.  I couldn't help myself when the ideas popped up!  One of my favorite was "One Sweet Peach!"  (I'm kind of partial to peaches...(Peaches & Pearls, anyone? 😋) Despite my love for pumpkins this time of year, and the fact that it kind of still feels like summer when the day peaks... this theme won out.

Friends, you're going to find WAY better pins & photography than these when you start researching this theme, but I figured I'd share our interpretation for Baker, because it was just too much fun🤗

Menu/Food: Brunch! (Pancakes, flavored butters (strawberry, vanilla, plain), original/golden syrups, donuts, bagels, eggs, bacon, sausage, Peach Punch, Cider, Orange Juice, & Coffee). 

Balloons: I have been so in love with a few local balloon companies & much to my disappointment, when I got a quote that three balloons would cost me $150, I began researching how to do something similar on my own.  I ordered heart balloons from Amazon(10.99 for 5) & cut out large leaves of felt and tapped on with packaging tape (Looked JUST like the strawberry ones this company created that they were gonna charge me 150 buckaroos for).  White pearl clusters with that & I think it was perfect.  They all basically flew away & popped anyway by the time the day was over!

Believe it or not, you can find the entire alphabet balloon set on amazon for 9.59!  I got the Rose Gold for this theme😍

Garland: I had stashed away cute peach banners in my cart for months on Etsy, but when it came down to my budget, it just wasn't worth the $30 each price tag.  I dug in my craft box & found the colors I needed and whipped up all the garland I needed with felt, bakers twine, and hot glue.  Easy peasy.

Cake & Cupcakes: The cake was 12.99 from WALMART.  I asked for buttercream made to look like fondant with out any embellishments (PLAIN) and I followed this recipe to make Baker's peach cupcakes.   I went by a flower truck (can probably find anywhere that has a floral section) & found greenery to add with the faux peaches I had ordered from amazon.  I think simple is the prettiest & I think this project proved it!

Other decorations: As for the other things, I ordered large peaches and small peaches to go on cake & to use during Baker's cake smash/but also double for party decorations. I found this beautiful eucalyptus garland that also went well with this theme from amazon for 16.99-it can double for decorations year round if you want something that is versatile!

Paper Goods: HOBBY LOBBY, I wanted to try the dollar tree but with my two smaller stinkers in tow I was all about a one stop shop & I'm super happy with my choice to go there for everything!  They had the cutest party cups/plates/napkins & it all complimented each other better than I had hoped!

I probably forgot to include some things & will come back to make edits as I remember. 

That's just how I roll.

I'm so happy with how it all turned out.  I think Baker & all of our family had a great day celebrating her, which in the end, is all you really plan a party for anyway!  We don't really need anything but each other, all the frilly stuff is the bonus, right? 🙃

🤪Happy Tuesday!