Where do I start?? THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG POST with LOTS of words & LOTS of pictures! Just beware:) I've put off writing this post because I really don't know what to say or where to begin to share how we got to where we are right now. First of all, I want to stress that I know what I'm about to share is something that happens to women everyday. In fact, much worse news is given to pregnant mothers everyday. Much worse! As I've share our little family's stories here over the past three years-I felt it was just another chapter in our book & needed to be recorded as a part of Baby A #2's arrival...& I wanted to share why life has changed so much for us in the past week.
After we arrived & settled into North Dakota, time ticked on & on. I contacted the local OBG's & they continuously put me off week after week. After several phone calls, I finally decided to get ahold of my old doctors office in Knoxville & (I believe) after they consulted with the new office that kind of got the ball rolling & I was finally contacted about scheduling an appointment.
At that time they informed me that they had reviewed my history & wanted to start giving me progesterone injections since I had a short cervix. They also said that I needed to realize that I was at risk for preterm labor & there was no NICU unit anywhere close by should I actually have the baby prematurely.
Okayyyyy. That did not settle well with us. In fact, that really scared us. So Cam & I headed out the next week to the appointment. The appointment ended up being strictly concerned with billing, while Cam was strictly concerned with the play area <He has asked me everyday since if we were going to the doctor so he could play with the farm tractor.> I, on the other hand, was in panic mode because they quickly informed us that our insurance would not cover any of our debt for maternity care & practically led me out the door. No coverage, no NICU, & we have no clue about who the doctors are or what the hospital care is like.
I was sick. I wanted to just lay in the floor, cry, & question what God was doing. (Crazy, I know after what other people go through everyday-but I'm human & unfortunately tend to have trouble trusting God when things don't always go my way or the way I plan them). Why now? Why this? I was with my husband, we had finally just gotten ourselves somewhat settled into the new apartment, we were just getting our little daily routines down pat, practically everything we owned was in North Dakota...I just didn't understand.
Cade & I had several conversations. We didn't know what to do, but we knew that our baby came first. If he came early, & had to be transported several hours to the nearest place to be cared for...would he make it? Would those hours harm him? Would the hospital itself be able to handle the situation? You just worry when you are unfamiliar with everything in a new place.
That very week, (bizarrely & ironically enough) I was contacted about a part time job in our hometown that would allow me to work 2-3 days a week, not have to drive an hour to work everyday, & still get to stay at home with my boys for part of the week. Isn't that crazy? It was hard to wonder if God wasn't trying to tell us something...
The midwife came in shortly after & informed me that my cervix had pretty much shrunk to nothing (almost an another entire centimeter in a month). I was at a big risk for premature labor. I was given orders to be on bed rest other than going to the bathroom, showering, & getting something to eat. That job I talked about? Well, I guess it really didn't sink in what they were telling me because, (given that I was supposed to start Friday) I was kind of worried about what to do. I asked..."There's this job I'm supposed to start Friday? "Absolutely not unless this job allows you to lie in bed!" was my answer. Wow. It was kind of hard to sink in after never imagining that this was going to be the outcome of the appointment. The scariest thing was talking about how I would be receiving two steroid shots within the next day to help the baby's lungs develop. Along with a few other medications to put off going into labor. Can it really be about to happen that soon? I thought we still had 3 months to go before we would meet our little boy. There's so much to do! He won't be able to come home with me...You can imagine all the things that saturate your thought stream when you're not expecting such news.
I don't know when our sweet baby boy will come. I hope we can delay an early arrival, but God has a plan & reason for all of this. After the appointment, I told Cade I couldn't believe my disbelief in God & what he was doing that entire past week. I of course, know how to care for myself during pregnancy & am always cautious with what I do during this time-my babies are my life. But that being said, I am not an easy going person. I don't sit still & I don't like for people to help me when I can do for myself. How God brought me home safely after moving twice & traveling 1800 miles twice across the country blows my mind. He has truly blessed me with a great doctor (and staff), family to help out, & take such great care of Cam & I during this time. What would I do without Him looking after me & leading me back home to be cared for? It scares me now to think of what could have happened.