This blog has been looming in the back of my mind for some time now. It's like an old friend I want to catch up with but I never find the time or know where to start so I continuously put it off. In thinking of catching up with that old friend or writing in a journal- I'd say the hardest part is the most important part. It's just taking the time to make that effort. Make that call, log on, pick up the pencil.
So here I am. Where do I begin? Today I'm 33.
I guess today is just as good a day as any!
Where oh WHERE does time go? When I began this blog I was 24. No kids (Cam was on the way) and I had dabbled in blogging about Etsy type stuff (etsy fan blog?😂) at an old blog entitled, "The Radiant World of Whimz." So funny. I always laugh AND cringe when I read old posts. Even if it was something I hashed out the day before.
In many ways, life is just how I would have imagined it to be 8 years ago. In many ways, it is very different. Cade and I attended a "Membership Matters" class at our church yesterday (two years in and we still haven't joined😬)... and during that class, the pastor brought up how we are always trying to make sense of life. From a small child, we start with questions like "why is the sky blue?" (HELLO, CONLEY!) up until the end of our lives with "Why did God allow that to happen the way it did?" and so on. Well, at 33, I find myself at the age Jesus was at the end of his ministry here on earth. I find myself trying to make sense of my life this far. He did so much up until this point in life-what have I done with my life so far?
Have I made all of the decisions I should have? Did I do the right thing here or there? How can I be a better Christian? Mom? Wife? Sister? Daughter? Friend? And all those other encompassing roles I find myself filling. I'm sad to say, I find myself living for "me" more than I'd like to admit.
I love the 90's. WWJD was not something to laugh at, we knew what we were talking about with those bracelets, yall. I say we bring them back-Jesus never lived for himself. He lived for His Father & others.
I continuously stand in awe of how blessed I am. Why has God allowed me to be blessed the way I am? I mean, my healthy and beautiful babies. Two boys and a girl. My husband. Our families. Our health! Even down to our crazy, lovable golden doodle, "Teppy." And at the same time, I find myself discontent, always dreaming of "more," and how I can grow as a person.
All of this mix-mashed wordage to say, if I could say I've learned anything up until this point in my 33 years-it would be to never forget that you need Jesus.
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
Revelations 3:15-16
This verse was taken apart and explained to me lately and I learned something I believe would apply to everything I've learned in my 33 trips around the sun. When we quit having the "Lord I need you" moments lifestyle... when we feel we can do it all on our own, we become the lukewarm that God wants to spit out of His mouth. Even people at their worst will admit their need, and people at their best and closest to God will beg him to be with them. But those times that we find ourselves taking things out of His hands and try to live our "Christian" lives on our own-we are doing it all wrong.
I need him to remind me EVERYDAY that I can't do it without Him. To remember this could be my last day with anyone that I love. I love you, little brother and find myself wondering why your life turned out the way it did everyday. I need him to remind me that this life isn't all that there is to my existence (though I find it so beautiful in many ways). I need him to remind me to value PEOPLE. Not things.
For in the end, in this world of "more, more, more," politics, bright lights and fancy things-that is all that matters.
Now. That's all this 33 year old girl has got today!
Wiping the tears from all this reflecting & going to pick up my big 8 year. old and grab my free birthday coffee🤗.
Squeezing them extra tight.
Wishing you all a very BLESSED happy day.
Here is to 33💕 (I can't belive I'm saying that).
I pray God grants me more wisdom (and laughter) everyday!
I know I need Him. I pray I need him every second of every day.
